80 Year Old Whore

Intro: C   Am   F   G   

C                     Am 
I was walking with my buddies, 
    F             G 
And saw a few hot chicks, 
C                  Am  
But, I wasnt interested in them, 
         F                  G 
No, they werent the finest picks, 
C                        Am  
But, then you caught my attention, 
         F                       G 
From the window of the old folks place, 
C                   Am 
Right away I knew I was in love, 
       F                        G 
When I saw the wrinkles on your face, 
F                G 
I came inside to meet you, 
        C       Em                Am 
And you hobbled right through the door, 
G 
With your walker, 


C         Am         F           G 
Youre my beautiful, 80 year-old whore, 
C                   Am  
I love it that your pubes are grey,  
         F                G 
And your boobs sag to the floor, 
  C          Em                             
Every time I take out your dentures, 
  F              G 
I know whats in store, 
C                       Am 
Its time to clean your dentures, 
                 F          G           C 
Cause youre my beautiful, 80 year-old whore, 

Am   F   G  


C                 Am 
Young girls dont turn me on, 
F               G 
Experience is a must, 
C                     Am 
Especially when youre 4 foot 8, 
         F               G 
And your vagina collects dust, 
C              Am 
When we get to kissin, 
    F               G 
You wheeze as I get hyper, 
C                      Am 
And I love it when you pluck your whiskers, 
   F               G 
As I take off your diaper, 
F             G 
You ask me to change you, 
     C          Em    Am 
But, baby, that all depends, 
G 
Pun intended, 


C         Am         F           G 
Youre my beautiful, 80 year-old whore, 
C                   Am 
I love it when your knees give out, 
         F                   G 
And you fall straight to the floor, 
C            Em 
Every time I spank that ass, 
F                G 
You poop in your drawers,  
C           Am 
But I dont care at all, 
                 F          G           C 
Cause youre my beautiful, 80 year-old whore, 
  
Am   F   G   


C                   Am 
Many nights, well just stay in, 
           F                         G 
Well eat applesauce and well watch porn, 
C                 Am 
As I massage your hunchback, 
    F               G 
And nibble on your corns, 
C                Am 
Your bones are a creakin, 
          F               G 
And your arm flab gets me hard, 
C                Am 
But then the Alzheimers kicks in, 
        F                             G 
And you dont know where the hell you are, 
F               G 
During sex you love it, 
       C          Em           Am 
When I whisper in your hearing aid, 
G 
I love you, Ethel, 


C         Am         F           G 
Youre my beautiful, 80 year-old whore, 
C                   Am                     F                  G               
I love it when you call 9-1-1 when you get lost in the grocery store, 
C                          Em                  Am                      G 
And I dont mind you gave Stonewall Jackson a handjob during the Civil War, 
C             Am                   F 
Cause Im so damn in love with my beautiful,  
G           C 
80 year-old whore 

Am   F   G   C